I Needed To Take Some Time For Myself

Trigger Warning: Suicide, Suicidal Ideations, Depression, Attempted Suicide.

Over the last couple of days, I started having serious thoughts about killing myself. Now, as usual, there wasn’t anything i could think of off the top of my head that could cause it. I just didn’t want to continue living. I started to have a plan in mind, which happens from time to time with me, but i also started to prepare for it. I had a text set up for my father to see so he could find me before Charlie got too hungry and a list of where things should go.

The first night i called someone who is considered one of my best friends and felt very brushed off. The second night I couldn’t get a hold of anyone that i knew would be able to help. It wasn’t until the third night, when i was at work, was i able to get some kind of help. I left work in a rush and called my father who came over and spent the night to make sure i didn’t do anything. The fourth night was saved by a friend of mine who made me promise i was going to be at her pool party that next day. She didn’t have any idea of how i had been feeling, but when i showed up, she noticed how i looked.

Why am i talking about this? Because i had to take 3 days off work in order to feel better. Luckily Disney has a great sick policy that helps give people time to recover without collecting too many points up. I’m just very grateful that my job gives me that kind of option even though they don’t know yet that i have bipolar disorder. So what i’m saying is that if you can check in with your job when things get rough and see what they can offer. My last few jobs have been decent about that and realistically speaking, its considered a disability and they have to help with that. Naturally, i wouldn’t start off with that. Just remember your rights.

Cheers, Xee

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